Truth be told, I’m not writing this in July of 2007, but rather with significant hindsight.

Generally, we’d been “trying” to get pregnant for a few years at this point. It began with abandonment of any birth control. Elizabeth was never on a pill nor did we have a strict regimen, but there’s a definite dividing line between worrying and not worrying about getting pregnant and we began to not worry. As two people in our mid 30’s, we figured it was sort of like a switch we could throw and the baby bulb would alight. We knew there could be problems but that, on average, they were not common. We were both healthy and, we thought, verile. Neither of us smoke or drink heavily or regularly. We weren’t exactly doing it in the backseat of a Camaro after prom, but we also weren’t so old that we thought we’d need “help.” At any rate, we began with loose timing methods of counting from the first day Elizabeth’s cycle and estimating ovulation. After many months, no luck.

We next bought a saliva ferning thing. The basic idea is that when a woman is near or at ovulation, her saliva will “fern,” create crystal-like patterns under magnification after it dries. The ovulation predictor device has her, first thing in the morning, touch her tongue to an area to be magnified. After basically spitting in the test area, you let it dry and then look through the scope to find ferning patterns. If you see them, things may be cooking.

Needless to say, this did not work for us. After we recognized that things weren’t easily falling into place, I bought an at-home sperm tester thing. It doesn’t give you much information, just sort of a thumbs-up or see-a-doctor kind of diagnosis. I don’t recall the exact results, but I didn’t rush off to see a doctor.

We also kept having things happen in our lives that made us say “Well, thank goodness we’re not pregnant, right? I mean having to deal with pregnancy and THIS would be terrible.” At least that’s what we told ourselves. It was rationalizing but it was also a way to reset to clock and say, “Okay, NOW we’re ready. Go!” We certainly moved around alot between 2003-2007, from Chicago –> L.A. –> Las Vegas –> L.A. –> Chicago. And there were career and finally family reasons to do so, all of which would have made pregnancy pretty inconvenient. While that may have been rationalizing, it is also why we hadn’t yet buckled down about baby making.

After the fern dealy, which didn’t seem to work (you had to do it first thing in the morning, before coffee — it’s hard to remember to do things until after you’ve had your morning coffee), I ordered some ovulation self-tests. Always fond of saving some money, I ordered bulk tester strips online. Supposedly just as good as the ones you buy at the drug store (which look just like pregnancy tests), these run about $1 each and have a good success rate. Since I was pretty sure that it was going to take us several tries, bulk seemed like a good idea. However, these just didn’t work for Elizabeth. She would get elevated readings but never the “YES! DO IT RIGHT NOW!” kind of result we were looking for. When we asked around, we found the conventional wisdom was that this method just didn’t work for everyone. It was at this time we found we were moving yet again for family reasons (L.A. to Chicago) but one of the last things I did was schedule a sperm testing which never happened since we moved and I don’t remember why. Elizabeth had already had some examinations due to her breast cancer. She’d consulted a Oncologist/GYN at UCLA and had got a preliminary A-OK.

A few months after arriving in Chicago in late winter 2007, I bought a ClearBlue Easy Fertility monitor. This is sort of the ultimate in home testing and something I now heartily endorse. It runs around $200 but I found mine for about $100 on eBay (not used, but not from a store). You’re not supposed to buy a used one, fyi. If the sanitary reasons don’t motivate you to buy new, the stated reason has to do with the fact that it “learns” patterns and the makers of ClearBlue aren’t telling how to reset it. There has to be a way to reset this thing, however, but a market for used monitors aint good for business. I do think that a used one would likely work just fine if you want to save money and are sufficiently brave.

Here’s one reason why it might work better than the other methods:

Why is the Clearblue fertility monitor a good choice? Because the ClearBlue monitor detects not one, but two reproductive hormones. Like an ovulation test, you do collect a urine sample. But unlike a standard OPK, the fertility monitor works by tracking two hormones – luteinizing hormone and estrogen. Using two variables, the computerized Clearblue monitor can better focus in on when you are most fertile, reducing the possibility of error and increasing accuracy. Two hormones are better than one! (source)

Basically, the first day of a woman’s cycle she “sets” the monitor (it also will allow setting up until the 5th day if you forget). At some point after, it will start asking for test strips. You purchase strips in packs of 30 (not cheap, about $45). Just like home ovulation testers, it uses the pee method, except you put the resulting cartridge into the monitor afterwards instead of looing for results yourself. It measures and notes the test results and gives you a very basic readout of your hormone level (1-3). The level is not important, the pattern is. If the woman’s cycle is typical (28 days, ovulating around the 14th), she’ll see elevation (Level 2) starting around the 9/10th day with the Level 3 readout, which also shows an egg icon, at around day 12/13. This means, you know, get to the bedroom. Really, you should take the hint around day 10, but I won’t get into how long sperm can live and frequency theories. The monitor learns your patterns and after a while will not need you to test every day, which saves alot of money.

A couple of things this does:

  1. You are dedicated to testing because results are inaccurate otherwise. The monitor tells you to test in the morning. Keep it by whatever you do first when we awaken.
  2. If a woman’s cycle is different than average for any reason, she’ll know using ths monitor. Doctors we’ve spoken to really like this thing and believe it to be accurate.
  3. There’s no denying when you need to act. A level two reading means to start trying.
  4. It tells when the next cycle is due. Hasn’t started? Take a pregnancy test.
  5. If pregnancy occurs, you know exactly what to say when they ask the first day of the last period, an important date in caring for pregnancy.

After purchasing and using this, we had our first success after six years. Although we weren’t trying for all six years (casually two, seriously one), lack of accidents on top of intentionals should both be factored.