I live in Las Vegas. In fact this is the third major city I’ve lived in in the past two years. I moved from Chicago to L.A. in April of 2003 and then to Vegas in the spring of 2005.

People always ask, “How do you like Vegas?” Standard question, right? Probably what they really want to hear is “Oh, I like it alot.” or some other such positive reply. Generally, my opinion has not been so positive. I have to be careful, however, because if the person asking is a Vegas resident, it’s not nice to say mean things. Especially if I haven’t even been here a year.

So, here are some observations, good and bad:

Bad: Vegas is desperate to be the “new L.A.” for the wrong reasons. Pathetic “society” mags with identical plasticized bimbos seem to be multiplying even in my short time here. Plastic surgery clinics already seem to be everywhere. The attitude of getting plastic surgery has somehow shifted over time from being something that you hide (”These boobs/nose/skin/pecs/abs are natural”) to something that one takes pride in, sort of a modern interpretation of Victorian times when being fat meant one had money and being skinny meant one was impoverished. In this case, getting p.s. means one can throw down $10k (or finance) on a set of juggs, whereas one of more modest means must live with what God gave them.

Housing prices, while nowhere near L.A., have tripled in an absurd amount of time. Want to buy a 4 bedroom, 2 bath house in the 350k range (which would me middle class/upper middle, I suppose)? Expect to pay three times what the seller bought it for in 1998. That’s not fun. It’s like everyone won the lottery RIGHT before you got here. It makes for an interesting mix of people in the same hood.

HEY VEGAS! You’re imitating the BAD things about L.A..

Good: Vegas has apparently exceeded L.A. in some “good” areas. But by this I mean only the STRIP which is not where people live. Sure, there are world-class restaurants (my wife runs one, Daniel Boulud Brasserie) that are accessable to all. And there is “high end” shopping, but this only really benefits the very well-off. My wife and I do dine well because that’s her profession and when we live elsewhere, we’ll miss it. My point is that having a Gucci and Ferrari store is great in that it attracts money to the city for shopping (not just gambling) — but it does little for average Joe.

Cleaner than L.A.. Surprising, and something that one might not notice unless you’d moved from L.A. as I have. Sure, there are clean areas of L.A. and there are “dirty” areas of Vegas that I don’t frequent, or haven’t frequented yet. Still, basics like cleaning trash off the streets and sidewalks, public trash cans that are not overflowing, etc..

Bad: People don’t use their fucking garages. There are houses in my neighborhood with THREE CAR garages with NO CARS. They’re all in the driveway and the garage is full of crap, and I mean MOST of them. FYI the houses in my neighborhood run from $360k – $450k (we rent, by the way). See what I mean about housing prices? It doesn’t change the calibur of people. I don’t mean to say that money=class but GARAGES ARE FOR CARS YOU REDNECKS. Oh, and how many WHITE TRUCKS do you need?

Bad: Redneckishness. Now look, I come from Lexington, KY and may return there. There are plenty of rednecks there but Kentuckians pay the price for that in reputation. There is a higher percentage of ‘em here, believe me. Monster trucks everywhere. W stickers. I mean, how many cities this far west have REBEL FLAG stickers and plates? I feel if you’re going to flaunt a rebel flag, you should prepare to have your car (perhaps rightfully) vandalized. No fear of that here, brother.

Good: It feels like a small town. There are, what two million people here? (Don’t believe the 2000 census, it measures the city proper and this is the fastest growing city, blah blah) Maybe it’s the small-mindedness and lack of culture, but it just doesn’t feel that big. I’m shocked when I drive somewhere and it takes me more than 20 minutes. I’m a new resident, so I’m skewed, but I’ve talked to people who’ve been here a while and they seem to agree. For a big city to feel small is a very good thing. I think part of it too is that the “downtown” is the strip and everything else is just sprawling ‘burb.

Good: Since my “bad” stuff is so full of venom, I want to add that I’ve met some cool people here.

Good & Bad: This depends on your perspective, but since there is a distinct lack of non-chain coffee shops, I sit at a Barnes & Noble (Starbucks). In this shopping strip, there is a PetCo, Office Max and Linens ‘N’ Things. Across the street as I look out the window, there is a Starbucks (standalone) right next to a Borders books (with a Seattle’s Best in it, which I guess Starbucks owns), a Bed Bath & Beyond, Office Depot and Pet Smart. Right across the fucking street. Convenience is nice when you need some dog food or ink cartridges, but JEEZ. And here’s the thing — these are not idiot corporations. Whoever built the second bookstore or second office supply store knew damn well there was enough business to support it. The population boom has been so great in the last five years that the mediocre is thriving.

Good & Bad: Mt. Charleston. HAHAHAHA! Okay, if you’re a skier, it’s convenient and close and that’s cool. But the majority of people refer to it as some kind of Valhalla, promised land, area of jaw-dropping beauty. You know why? Cause…

Bad: Vegas is UUUUUGLY. It’s a desert – NOT meant to sustain life other than snakes or rodents. Unless you’re into the beauty of the desert (which is NOT witnessed IN the city) anything of beauty here is MAN MADE. Period. Should you elect to have grass on your lawn, it will need to be watered twice daily in the summer. Your neighbor will often have “desert landscaping” (that means a gravel lawn with some cacti). If you’re at a high elevation, you might have a nice view of the city lights at night, that’s cool, but generally, you’re either looking at relatively pathetic grass/landscaping, dirt/rocks or pavement. LOTS of pavement as it’s strip mall heaven. Fly over it and you see BROWN. Vegas is L.A. if it burned down and was rebuilt in five years — without the natural beauty of the Pacific, it’s beaches and temperate climate.

Okay, if you have arthritis, change the above to “good.”

Bad: Culture? A teeny bit of struggling artists. History? None. It’s not exactly cherished. Any house built before 1990 is considered OLD.

Good: Some decent alt mags here – Las Vegas Weekly and City Life. They have a conflicted identity, however, needing to appeal to tourists who have no interest in local articles but simply want to know where the clubs are, what’s happening. As a result, each issue will have at least two articles on visiting DJ’s and glossy, fleshy ads (LVW anyway) filling up half it’s content. City Life recently skewered a “Best of the Valley” poll in which voters elected Starbucks as Best Coffee and Olive Garden as Best Italian. And this place has a heavy italian population. LVW has an incredible Art Director, Bejamin Purvis. He may love it here, but if not, he’s going on to bigger things I would think. Last weeks issue was on “Moviegoing” and had a MST3K cover (and I could find no reference in the mag). Instant cool points.

Also, as I’m an actor, that gives local theatre (which I think generally struggles to find an audience – but, again, I’m new) three legit places in which to expect a review in PRINT. Three reviews for a show in a town like this is great. In Chicago you can get three (Tribune, Sun-Times, Performink – but you need to be fairly big stuff to get all three), in L.A. you’ll struggle to get one (Backstage West, which also has a small Vegas section), two if you’re big (Variety) and three if you’re really hot stuff (Times). Also, in those cities you’ll generally need at LEAST a three week run. Of course, rags here don’t carry the same weight as the aforementioned but, dammit, the press GIVES A DAMN about local theatre, even if most audiences don’t.

Good: Having the Strip is kind of exciting. Even though my wife and I don’t really go to clubs, we COULD if we wanted to, you know. Also, there are a lot of TV shows that are based on/in Las Vegas. Sometimes it’s neat to watch Caesers 24/7 and think, I could be there in 15 minutes.

Good: A lot of people come here to visit, so you’ll probably see more old friends when you live here than anywhere else. It’s also easy to see people that you might not spend time with normally, but in this case it’s nice to have a drink or whatever. The setting makes meeting up simple. Also, there’s no real problem finding a place to go.

…more to come as I think of it…